Saturday, July 28, 2018

update for the sake of it

I've often times fantasized a path of solitude, akin to life in a cave.  As a means of quiet, steady focus, what could be accomplished when distractions of the outside-world could be minimized and contained.  With an absence of person learning irl, an experiment in a perennial sort of time-frame.

Well, I've limited my outside interactions to a degree, and my daily satisfaction is not really much at the mercy of the outside world.  Some things come up of course, where I have a choice between dealing with them or stressing, or usually some mixture of the two responses.  I've accustomed myself to a life with no Facebook, which is think is an improvement.  I only have a very small twitter presence, and my posts are more fewer/far-between than in the past.  I obviously have not been posting much on this blog, either for that matter.  I've disabled/hidden my online dating apps, and I'm comfortable with the lack of social stimulation, that I have assumed.

I've been working on habits, with more or less success, such as counting my calories, zazen (zen sitting meditation), qigong, and taking moments of mindful breathing during my daily life.  I still have many desires, among them, currently:  I still want to quit smoking (21hrs and 12hrs being my latest successful no-tobacco stretches over past 2-3 days).  Mainly its nothing spectacular, such as cementing the zazen and qigong sessions to a daily discipline.  Daily medicine/vitamins.  Making my bed each morning, making 'tidying' more of a daily activity.

I also desire to simplify my life where I can, and where it's practical.  I've started supplanting my dietary needs with foods I buy myself, which is new, in this stage of life (still living with parents).  I have a newly established pantry within my bedroom now.  I've only just begun digitizing/ripping my bluray/dvd collection, with the intent to offload at least a good portion of them, afterwards.  I'm also seriously considering ridding myself of a decent amount of my physical game collections.

As per finances and such, I'm working less than I was a year ago, but I now have Medicaid (so no more health premiums) as well as SSDI (supplemental security disability income), accompanying the schizophrenia diagnosis.

Oh I forgot, I've been desiring to do more of the art, perhaps including the Wacom drawing tablet I still have in my arsenal.  I've somewhat recently gone 'Linux' on both my desktop and laptop.  I purchased an ebook humble bundle oriented on linux, programming/scripting, and arts (gimp/inkscape).  So that has a decent chance of broadening my digital experience.

What else...  I dunno, Linux is fun tho, you should do it!  :)  (I'm currently using Linux Mint 19, with Mate).

Thank you for visiting and reading this post.  Till next time, be well.

-db

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

currents #3

Oh for the love of absences.  Been subdued and keeping my outputs to a minimum for a good time now.  Reading bits of 'self-help' non-fictions and Taoist materials.  Minimalism and budget minded stuffs.  Just finished a great book (minus the workbook stuff at end) by a Laurence G. Boldt, "The Tao of Abundance: Eight Ancient Principles for Abundant Living",which I would recommend if your interested in such things.  Also slowly accumulating bits and pieces towards a new hobby I'd like to take up.  Beading based jewelry/arts.  I've got some beads, needles, thread, a book for beading jewelry for beginners, as well as a book on esoteric talismans and such, "The Tao of Craft" by a Benebell Wen.  I'm so excited by the Tao/Craft book I'm finding myself at an odd/hesitant point of getting into it, for being so excited.  I don't know, that happens sometimes  :P.  In any case, I am planning to jump into some simple beading projects once I add one last item(s), which is a tray/mat solution to keep my beads from escaping my workspace.

That's maybe something to keep in mind/aware of, tho, personally.  That hesitation stemming from enthusiasm.  Happens a bit before I start/resume an artwork session too.  Maybe see about ways to lesson that anticipation or perhaps ways to just set myself into a task, regardless.  Anyway, here's one piece of artwork I managed to complete somewhat recently:


Among other things I could be mentioning, is a direction/goal orientation to implement, in relation to quality of life/ health stuffs.  I'm currently thinking/focusing on dopamine as results to less than wise lifestyle elements.  I've long been aware I have an addictive personality, which sucks, to a degree.  So some things I'd like to resolve with this 'dopamine' focus are like: cut out the pr0n/fapping;  reduce the cigarette smoking/till i can quit them altogether;  cut down on caffiene (an idea to replace coffee/energy drinks with green tea for example);  cut out the sugar/junk food element;  and add some of the good elements, like:  healthier foods, exercise, DAILY (for the love of pete) meditation;  and in the same vane, a daily qigong practice.  I've also found in my research, that activity/ goal completion comes with some of the reward/dopamine response, so essentially staying on top of the basic stuff (paper work, making bed, putting away laundry, basically keeping my personal foot print(s) well in order).


Of course the beading and other forms of artwork are intrinsically rewarding, so hopefully I can make them more of a regular part of my life.  Oh and this blog  :)  I know, it's been awhile since I've kept this little thing up, but hopefully I'll keep this up and we will see what happens this time around.


Guess that's more or less a reasonable update, imo.


Till next time, ~peace, yalls

Saturday, August 5, 2017

points in time and space #1

Considering a /maybe trial run/ of ramping up blog posts here again.  I'm meandering through budget type books and minimalism stuff, which seems to be having a more/less decent effect on my approach to my life/style i guess.  I've been keeping up a fairly daily habit of taoistic ruminations, and, not to sound too weird, I'm kinda feeling a bit more at home and natural in my skin and surroundings.  Here's a current focal point in my bedroom which has been having a good influence on letting go of/ donating things, as well as processing and taking care of items (tasks, like):


Within past week, I've donated some tech gadgets, such as:  old webcam, old ps/2 kb I don't suppose I'll ever need again.  An old nook hd+ tablet that I had rooted and had cyanogenmod (think vanilla android) working on, and factory reset, for another owner to enjoy hopefully.  Mouse, I really don't need 2 spares, so...  I did destroy one tablet I got frustrated while attempting to wipe (it wasn't charging, surge accidentally was switched off, need be more mindful!).  Gave a foldable bt kb to my dad.  I guess that's a close enough summary of some cleaning out stuffish.

I had done a little pen and ink (nibs and ink bottle) sketch somewhat recently, And I started off this new space by adding some color, with water color pencils.  I still have yet to see what adding some water may finish it off like.

Now that I look at this style, its a common style I had used during some crazy/rough patches in college, tho revived in a different tenor.  I like the idea of something like a flower/bud sort of energy bursting through something rough like rocky/ground, all the while adorned with some nasty sharp thorns.  I think it may represent...  actually, perhaps more labels would hinder the process at this point.

Well, this post was neat on my end.  Came together via a budget tablet (amazon fire tablet, dang if I didn't already get rid of an iPad Air!  hehe)  I had the pics on my older /still nice/ canon camera.  For the picture transfer tho, my camera was still loaded with a full sized sd card, which won't play with my tablet so much.  But I discovered an older mini usb port on my camera.  And at some point in my consumerism idealistic haze, I was trying to connect a ps3 controller (ds3) to my cell phone, and had a very short, 6 inch OTG cable (mini to micro usb), which, aHa, fit the physical components of a connection between tablet and camera.  And lo and behold, I found the cable, and it did in fact work.  I ramble, but this is the sort of techy junk that can entertain my brain at times.

So, I dunno how far I may be interested to follow this tao flavoured minimalist path.  But no matter, whether I get rid of more stuff, or just start buying less, or some reasonable lifestyle updates at any rate...  I'll at least be able to keep up the blog posts with a budget tablet, if at that extreme, I ever find myself without a pc to harness.

Ok, so where does such a post fit on this blog  :P

*rummages through frayed threads*  erm, looks like this post is worth a new thread, so many threads!  :x

till next time, keep up the good fight, fellers

Sunday, July 16, 2017

reflections and observations #8

Just some mentions about my recent mindednesses.  I'm struggling to engage video games, as is habitual I guess.  I'm trying to adjust to a tighter budget, and make more mindful and wise choices.  (less income, higher health insurance premiums, rent went up).  yadda yadda yadda.  I have a desire to purge some possessions, but I'm having trouble rationalizing it.  As in, logic of keeping, vs peace of mind in letting go, of fill-in-the-blank.  I'm rolling around the idea in my head, of sensory inputs having influence or at least some 'effect' on my person.  What movie I may watch, or book I may read, e.g. "fiction or non-fiction tonight?"  Pr0n, I'd be curious to discover if there's any validity in keeping this sensory pasttime, hmm.  Life does seem to be simpler without a 'bonafide' significant other.  In fact, recently I decided not to indulge impulses of wanting to 'pursue' for purpose of courtship/mate.

And I think I do desire to resume my practices of visceral real experience.  hehe, lovely words ya?  Meditation.  qi-gong.  tai-chi.  yoga.  handling/dancing my double edge possessions.  I dunno.  "Meaning" sometimes flitters in and out of my awareness, on things, it seems.

Well.  I'll also note my desire to seriously break open this Java programming book, and hopefully, Finally Get A Handle on this "object-oriented" nonsense.  And there's more or less a goal to shoot for in this vane.

And...  blah.  Go figure  :x

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

snippet #4

And hello, again.  I've taken some time to withdraw my energies from the online spaces for a time, but I'm feeling an inspiration arising to return to these spaces, for another go.  I've in mind to take this slow, perhaps, and to find a /flow/ that suits me.  Well, I decided to make my 'return' to this blog, a snippet post, as I had a bit of creativity to share, from around the time I took some online /silent/ time, give or take'ish.  Anyway, here is it:


Maybe catch-up to current in the posts ahead, I'm thinking.

So lets see what happens, yar  :P

And ~peace to you too!

Sunday, November 20, 2016

currents #2

I suppose I haven't made a post in some time.  I've got a lot swirling around in my head of late, and perhaps this post may provide a slice of centering for me.  Couldn't hurt I think.  Like the last 'currents' post, I'm gonna share my books I'm 'carrying' and maybe ramble a bit on something, we'll see  :)

Well this is the lot of them, for now...

By/so far, my favorite translation of the Tao te Ching.

I've included a pic/blurb about this previously, and I gotta finish this read thru at least.

My trusty nook, well, at least it's nifty cover  :P  The idea, is to increase my fiction intake with this.  Tho I also have non-fiction on here, of course, hehe.

I am most interested in embarking into this book.  The same translator as the 'The Tao of Power', you may have noticed.  This being his interpretation of Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War'.  He proposes a year long option of tackling this, which I have chosen as my approach.  Hopefully I can keep it up.  52 passages, to be reflected upon, one per week.  I am utilizing the wonderful Evernote /web version/ to record notages for each week.

Suppose a blurbage by-way, to satisfy my centering desire on this blog thing.

I am beginning to strongly desire a better mode of living.  I feel very frustrated in this 'living-with-parents' mode I'm currently in.  It's just too messy.  I've expended a lot of energy, in heavy cleaning sessions, in several rooms in this house, and really put more than a dent in more than 50% of the problem.  But its a hopeless cause.  I've tried shedding light on my father's role in the problem, but his stance is essentially "I'm too old to fix my ways, don't try to change me."  Which then follows him ordering me to clean up his mess.  Like wtf...  I clean, and 1 week later, you've completely undid my work, and its my job to fix it again?  I'm trying to 'keep a calm composure' and maintain the spaces I can find peace and clean and order within, and setting some boundaries as far, at least, as not volunteering any of my available energies to keep his problems in check.  Whatever, so of late, this 'strategy' book is providing a bit of clarity.  In interpersonal conflicts, sometimes you just gotta change the situation.  So, I need to seek self sustainability, or at least make the best effort I can into this direction.  For this, I need more money.  More hours in my current occupation will not be the solution I am looking for.  I've got it in mind, to make an attempt at doing the 'education thing' again, and try on a 'Pharmacy Technician' avenue.  At least, that's my current idea that has has popped up in my world, which a current co-worker is seeking to do already.

So now, what do I need to do to make this happen...  Well, I need to re-appropriate my spendable income.  Keep the maintenance items and consumables in order.  Limit the big ticket items, and postpone the ones I keep.  Pay off my /credit/ type debts.  And be responsible with my 'occasional chunks' of money:  like a bonus-type thing sometime in December with work, and tax return next year.  So at least in my awareness space, that I am sharing this from now, this strategy book is helping a lot, by daily reflecting, and if nothing else, keeping me focused on caring about my life, dangit.

I wanna just flow a tad, with free form/style thoughts in these spaces...

more tea / less coffee
maintain nicotine habit for now / don't stress about quitting
daily meditation
daily qigong
inspired moments of exercise / more mirrors
dentist, damnit
less calories / more water
less luxuries / more practical, budget minded choices
less devices / more content
less shortcuts / be more helpful
less rush / more mindful awareness

I'm either crazy or sane, but I'm gonna try to be determined either way.  This is what happens with over a month between posts, I guess.  Chaos!  :P

Well take a deep ~peaceful~ breath, in..... out, "aaaaaaaaaahh".  Thank you for stopping by.

-db

UPDATE:
Apparently, R.L. Wing is a woman.  My apologies!  :x

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

health update #9

Well, I'm not gonna do a weigh-in for this.  As far as the weight thing, I'm a bit discouraged.  To those ends, I think I'm going to have to return to monitoring my caloric intake.  I'll probably return to the MyFitnessPal app on my phone, which has shown success in the past.

Anyhow, I'm making progress in the scheme of things, relating to health.  Namely, I've been working at making a qigong/meditation session a daily thing, more or less.  It's just 2 qigong exercises currently, which I took from that 'Shaolin' book that I recently added to my collection.  And immediately following those 2 exercises is roughly a 10 minute sitting meditation (zazen), usually adding up to around a 20 minute session.  Just this, is really having an overall positive effect for me, I think.  I'll share some examples.

I'm starting to learn more about my breathing, more aware and involved in the process.  I tend to be able to breath deeper and slower, in a more regular pace, when my mouth is closed and I am breathing through my nose, which I'm enjoying lately.  There's different types of breathing that I am exploring, one notable being 'reverse abdominal breathing', in which you compress your abdomen on inhale, and relax/expand it during exhale.  I suppose this skips the step of deep abdominal breathing.  If you tend to breath by expanding/relaxing your chest, you'd want to first lower that to your abdomen.

I'm starting to think of my abdominal breathing, in general, as a generator for energy, when I employ deep breathing, consciously.  It's quite interesting, how the muscular/skeletal structure, is all tied to this 'center of gravity' area of the 'tan tien'.  In this regard, during the sitting meditations, following the qigong, my conscious breathing is teaching me to be more aware and involved with my posture.  It's quite interesting, allowing my breathing to make little adjustments and suggestions in how I carry myself.

I guess, also in regards to breathing, I am developing a more aware attentiveness.  Not sure how to really explain this, but it feels better and more natural when I am tending to an activity.  I guess 'focus' could be one word applied.  Anyway, moving on I suppose.

The qigong exercises are quite simple.  But I've been noticing, specifically, how my back muscles, involving my spine, are attached and involved with my arms.  Such that, if I work on my arm strength, I also notice it in my back, and whatnot.  As well, the qigong is also helping to develop my posture, as well as my body being rooted to the floor.  Currently, though, I am having an issue with my left foot, in the 'ball' area.  I wore through the stock insoles in my shoes, in that area, and that really messed my foot up a couple weeks ago.  I'm on my second set of insoles, trying to fix this, but I'm already planning to try a third insole in this vane.  I dunno if it's noticeable, but I'm avoiding limping by pushing through the pain.  Limping is a bad idea, as well, or trying to avoid the ball of my foot, such as putting weight on the outer edge of the foot, I don't need more foot pain, blah.

Anyway, this means I haven't been doing any jumping of rope.  But I'll figure out a solution soon I hope, and when foot thing is resolved, I'm planning to implement that jump rope in a hopefully, somewhat daily fashion.

So, today has been a good day:  I did a qigong/meditation session before work, and also this evening.  After the evening's session, I did a few sets of pushups, some dumbell 'curls' I guess they're called (only 10lbs, but I'm tending well enough to them), some power tower interaction, which led to some enjoyable tidying!  :x...

So, I guess I'll try to re-initialize that counting calories tomorrow.  Sounds like a good idea.  I suppose even if I just count too many calories, its a step in the right direction, and I'll have a better idea on how to proceed.

Welp, I suppose that's all for now, folks.

'Till next time, ~peace!