Tuesday, August 30, 2016

[smish-smash]... I need a fight, sooooooo, here we go!

In the name of productive, I'm devising a plan.  Fix myself.  Fix my environment.  For now.

The following accessory arrived via UPS yesterday.  So I set upon a project of getting to know this new adversary, and seeing what he's made of.  So far, he's hinting at me that I need to quit smoking now...

This is the Weider Power Tower, as I have come to know 'him':

 Guy who delivered it helped me get it inside, no sweat.

 I don't usually relish a task like this assembly.

 Almost missing parts, but they were loose within the packaging (found).

 No problem, right?  RIGHT!

 Ok, we have a base.

 And what's this, the bones of a beast?

 Reminds me of sitting cross legged in Iron Chairs in my free time (in hospital at least)

Well, it WAS a formal living room.  Gonna have to work on placements to keep peace.

Well, my overall goal, is to accomplish a pull-up now.  Honestly, it took a LONG time before I could do a push-up.  I spent plenty of time with dynamic strength push-ups from my knees.  First push-up I accomplished was during my last visit to the hospital.  Next day I did seven.  I did 8 last Saturday, to see if I could, with my brother hanging out and witnessing it.  Gonna have to start pushing towards my breaking point[s] now I think.

Well, I can't do a pull-up now, I tried.  But I am a worthy opponent for this monstrosity I think, thus, I am still smoking cigarettes at this point :x.  Aside from pull-ups tho, this power tower should do my core quite a bit of good.  Should help with my kicks I'm casually working on, as I hope balance improves to accomodate.

I can't get back into adding new dynamic strength exercises yet, as I've let my therapist borrow that book for a week or two, so he could make copies of choice exercises.  Anyway, there's one more item I wanted to show you peeps in this post:

Because push-ups aren't dynamic enough by themselves.

These basically allow the hands/wrists to rotate naturally during pushups, as well as letting ur chest dip a bit more into them.

One pro tip from the dynamic strength studies, fyi:  Go slower on the downward motion, and a slight bit faster on the upward part.  Or so its said...

Aside from working on my self, I'd like to tackle the house/cleaning properly and in swift enough time, complete it this time.   The two big rooms to tackle at this point are the dining room (which is sort of a hoarding lair, and the garage, which is just a hot mess  :P

So yah, I haven't given up, and maybe by the end of the year, I'll hit that 180 lb goal AND be able to do a pull-up.

 Wish me luck peeps  :)

And ~peace at that!

Friday, August 26, 2016

reflections and observations #6

I'm not sure how vague this may be, but its generally with a deep tone, I compose this post.

Faith is a delicate matter.  A fragile and tenuous concept.  "Concept" doesn't give it justice, but it allows for words to follow.  It may take lifetimes to experience a fruit, or even a seed, of faith.  It is very hard to conceptualize faith.  And what I'm finding, in a moment when faith is realized...  It follows, that it simply doesn't matter.  It has me thinking, is there anything worth dying for?  If you die for a cause outside of yourself, I'd venture, it probably had to do with Love.  Suicide is not such a concise cut and dry matter, either.  There are monk(s) that have set themselves on fire, whilst meditating, and ended their physical existence in such a matter of 'suicide'.  I've struggled against suicide at moments in my life.  Most recently, I researched enough that if I mix two of my anti-psychotic medications I had on hand, would probably be an efficient enough way for me to pass from this lifetime.  But I think that type of suicide would be giving up, due to selfish reasons/intentions.  So far, I have not succumbed to giving up due to selfish weariness.  Yes I've struggled, in my own thinking, sure, I've been through several areas and depths of hell.  I've been utterly terrified at the prospect of the eternal damnation of my soul at several key points in my life.  But I have not given up.  I will not start to give up today, or tomorrow.  But this faith that doesn't matter.  Shows Love to me, within me, and reflected back to me in others.  So today may be a dreaded day for me, that I cannot see the trees for the forests, on the horizon of my ongoing path.  But however it may appeare, I am not giving up.  I don't know what happens tomorrow, or even later today.  And I could have faith, but it doesn't matter.  I think it boils down to, I would like to play my part towards the evolution and survival of our species.  There are other more important causes at play as well.  Such as our Mother Earth's health and well being.  But I think it necessary to start at the home front, fix our own issues, bit by bit, piece by peace.  Before we are capable of tackling more difficult tasks such as the ones I hope our species survives long enough to help mend.

I guess I'll leave this post as is, and do the ~peace thing.

Have a nice day.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

artistic attractions #3

Recently, [while i was in hospital this last time, actually], it was suggested to me the idea of watercolor pencils and a special paper for watercolors and such, referred to as Yupo paper.  So I took the plunge, tho haven't tried the new setup yet.  Just sharing my newly added art toys!  :)

~with a bunch of pictures no less  :P

it's something like plastic, waterproof

i do like my case solutions, in general [always]

not overdone, yet not compromised too much with chosen pencils

hope its functional!

mmm, Form and Function...

 pre-sharpened, thank you  :)

 colors, 72 of them

well, 36 colors

and...  36 more!

ahhh, this is tantalizing

if u can tell, they are triangular in shape.  thus pencil sharpener may not be best tool for keeping these babies on point...

i really appreciated how these pencils fit into the case, [in this case], note how the pinks and reds extend past the other darker colors in contrast.  (i like subtleties like this, i do)

not quite sure how this will close back up, lets see.............

hmm, that's natural enough.  i appreciate the strap closure, with a snap type mechanism

finally, i already owned these items, brushes for H2O application to color , and my 'Hinderer'-designed Kershaw knife, that I'm choosing to devote to the duty of keeping these new watercolor pencils in tip top shape. 

Couldn't say when I'll have a composition of colors to showcase my first experience with this new setup, but I do have a picture in mind, so it Will happen, peepz!  :)

~peaceful [cheers] and such

Thursday, August 18, 2016

challenges #5

I've put off the challenges type post for awhile.  Hope that doesn't make it too broad this time...

I guess I'll start with the vaguenesses aspect.  At this point, it's still essentially a creative game of flirting with numbers.  Doubting reality.  Faith in imagination.  Limits for allowing possibilities.  Such like that.  In that line of thinking.  Highest stretch would be 28.  Of course as this would normally imply 29, I may apply "less is more" and make it a more respectable 28.  At least for the interpretation I choose to propose here.

12 for some reason is a number of import, and the highest number I could consciously hold in my awareness at one time, when I exercised that aspect of consciousness.  (yes, that was actually 13, pfft)  Anyhow, how to get to 28.  Well, time allows for limits while also holding a number such as 28 in regard/respect.  Anyway, logically, this could happen as 12-4-12.  With this series in mind.  12 has been settled.  4 somehow happened by accident, but I'll count it as solid, at this point.  I don't see a way to reduce back to 12, with integrity and honesty intact.  16 is not a shabby number.  I'll add that to my list of tao chapters on my list to interpret.  But between 16 and 28, there follows a space of 12.   And 28 jives better in my mind than does 16.  I guess that's enough of vague logic.

In other concerns:  The most recent exploration in the taoistic side of my being, location is of import.  I feel this can be interpreted in whatever way jives the smoothest.  Internet happens to be one "location" while my physical geographic location would be another.   In this latter respects, my dad is quite determined to leave this area, and my path is too humble in 'financial' regards, to support myself as is.  I shared a thought in my last group therapy, that if I had a couple of roommates, I may be able to swing renting this house from my father, whilst he moves closer to the grandchildren area of life.  Their concern brought up, was whether my dad would trust me for such an endeavor.  I think its a possibility.  How from here to there, I get, is simply possible potential.

Actually, from this noted separation of location into two parts.  I'd actually be more comfortable with my numbers as 12 (solid) - 4 (swing spaces) - 12 (4 noted)...  actually, for that last 12, its not exactly 4, but that is how I'd like to present it on here, at this point.

What else.  Ahh, the dreaded tobacco.  I've confessed an intent to more than one, that my next attempt will be tomorrow, in the evening part of the day most likely.  And that upon sticking to that, strive to complete all of saturday with no tobacco.  This is the little step/success that I need to embark on a real attempt at quitting, so that is my plan.  I did make it over 4 months, in my recollection, around last winter's time, so I do have a little faith that I can do it, and better yet again.

 Anything else for challenges?  Well, I still have to work on discipline for meditation, and I'd like to resume study of the T'ai Chi Ch'uan form I have set upon learning.  And games, I'd ideally like to have at least one session, every day.  Tough, as fun as they may be.  I feel they would go a far ways into grounding me in the real world, ironically enough.

So, cheers and peace, I wish, plz.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

artistic attractions #2

ya know, lets reflect.  3d is ok.  4d is fine. 5d is useful to wander thru time.

whatever, i'm bored, i'm ready for another dimension.  

i'm thus far at 8, but ready to move one.  i hope i don't go past 12, tho that already presupposes 13.

where from here.

colors, thats where.

rehashing some digital interpretations.

and SOOOOOOOOOO aching for new artworx.

Digital expressions so far are in the [krita app/ medium wacom intuos 4 drawing tablet] realms.

I have a tidy case for the tablet, i have a dream pc for the krita app.  I am absolutely dying to caress my soft/hard pastels to paper (white or black medium, uncertain).  In any case, its time to kill.  Wait, what was time again?  Its what I choose for this type of expression.  Be it as it may.

Enjoy ur meanderings through my tidy online blogger space.  Cheers.

EDIT:::  I'm sorry, I miscalculated.  I completely forgot the first 4.  Guess  the towels is thrown now.  Or what, is this the start of my game.  Go figure plz.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

"let's maintain"

My recent trip to the hospital was not without its flaws.  One flaw, they utterly neglected those probiotics things.  They did not properly intake my possessions I had packed for the sojourn, they left them in my book bag the entire 2 weeks.  I tried getting them to check again, I tried getting them to simply make any of the probiotic type supplement available for me, with the daily morning meds.  I told them the importance of refridgeration, even if I could not take them while there.  Anyway, I complain sometimes.

I also keep taking steps in the directions I choose to pursue.  So I ordered more.  And I spent out the yin-yang for proper shipping.  So I just wanna share how that naturalhealthyconcepts.com treated my cargo this time around.  Could be worse...

TBH, I have suffered intestinal issues like my entire life.  So I'm back on track with these, which hopefully contribute to my healthy persona, eh.

Alright then, ~peace peepz

Friday, August 5, 2016

hate to call it hard

But my work led me into a hospital again for another ~2 week excursion.  I feel, personally, that I improved the lives of some fellow dear souls and tender hearts, as well as possibly providing an upward path to some lovely characters.  It's been deep, raw, real, wow.  I got to know myself in a bit broader fashion as well.

It provided a 2 week span where I could exist without smoking or nicotine of any kind too.  I haven't checked my weight yet, but I think ..... umm...  well, I rock  ?

Anyway, I had some time to devote to starting a very in depth study of a chosen T'ai Chi Ch'uan form that I intend to follow into my day to day life in the real world.  omg, its good, its really fantastically good.  I lended some energies into dipping my feet into hatha yoga.  I gained a deeper appreciation for the concept of '36 chambers of Shaolin' and the energy and discipline required in such a path (which i know I am at some point within, already, which is quite an intense feeling).  I am more curious about the concept of Taoist immortality.  I am closer to zen.  And I still lean towards believing that levitation is possible.

I shall return to work on Monday, and look forward to experiencing my working routine in a fresh light.

I have faith in the tools I have aquired as of now, as well as the power of my personal faith and will.

If all goes well this weekend, I'll be messing with at least 2-3 different video games.  I may see my brother and sister in law, and their kids.  It's her 2 older children's birthday celebration thing this weekend, so I need to take a trip and get some artfully and humbly selected gifts for each of them today.

ummm.  I should stick to meditation twice a day starting today in the free world (outside hospital), as well as dynamic strength, and some tai chi studies.  Man, I really feel good right now, u blogger readers out there.  I really do.

So with a heartfelt appreciation for u spending some time reading this post, may ur day be ~peaceful..