Friday, August 26, 2016

reflections and observations #6

I'm not sure how vague this may be, but its generally with a deep tone, I compose this post.

Faith is a delicate matter.  A fragile and tenuous concept.  "Concept" doesn't give it justice, but it allows for words to follow.  It may take lifetimes to experience a fruit, or even a seed, of faith.  It is very hard to conceptualize faith.  And what I'm finding, in a moment when faith is realized...  It follows, that it simply doesn't matter.  It has me thinking, is there anything worth dying for?  If you die for a cause outside of yourself, I'd venture, it probably had to do with Love.  Suicide is not such a concise cut and dry matter, either.  There are monk(s) that have set themselves on fire, whilst meditating, and ended their physical existence in such a matter of 'suicide'.  I've struggled against suicide at moments in my life.  Most recently, I researched enough that if I mix two of my anti-psychotic medications I had on hand, would probably be an efficient enough way for me to pass from this lifetime.  But I think that type of suicide would be giving up, due to selfish reasons/intentions.  So far, I have not succumbed to giving up due to selfish weariness.  Yes I've struggled, in my own thinking, sure, I've been through several areas and depths of hell.  I've been utterly terrified at the prospect of the eternal damnation of my soul at several key points in my life.  But I have not given up.  I will not start to give up today, or tomorrow.  But this faith that doesn't matter.  Shows Love to me, within me, and reflected back to me in others.  So today may be a dreaded day for me, that I cannot see the trees for the forests, on the horizon of my ongoing path.  But however it may appeare, I am not giving up.  I don't know what happens tomorrow, or even later today.  And I could have faith, but it doesn't matter.  I think it boils down to, I would like to play my part towards the evolution and survival of our species.  There are other more important causes at play as well.  Such as our Mother Earth's health and well being.  But I think it necessary to start at the home front, fix our own issues, bit by bit, piece by peace.  Before we are capable of tackling more difficult tasks such as the ones I hope our species survives long enough to help mend.

I guess I'll leave this post as is, and do the ~peace thing.

Have a nice day.

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